Slug & Snail
1 - The Insectarium
Slug and Snail had lived in the land of OOZ their entire lives. Every day was more or less the same. Humans would come, and point, and smile, and sometimes cry.
Nothing really changed. Everything was predictable.
This suited Slug very much.
Snail, however, was bored.
But one day, the INSECTARIUM opened.
Snail had read all about it.
After two seconds of mulling it over Snail proclaimed - “I’m going to go down there and become a member of the Insectarium! What do you think they do in there, Slug?”
Snail’s mind was racing - “Do you think they wear silk jackets? Drink exotic flower juices? Talk about their foreign travels? I must become a member of this exclusive club!”
Snail was shaking with excitement. He had JUST decided that it was all he had wanted his entire life.
“But Snail, you are not an insect,” said Slug.
Snail thought it over for two seconds, “Sure I am! I’m a “creepy - crawly”.
“No you are not!” said Slug quite aghast, “You are a slimy-slidey!”
She said this in a tone so that Snail would know slime-sliders are much more dignified than creep-crawlers. But Snail ignored this and kept slimy-sliding toward the INSECTARIUM.
“You can’t attempt to become a member of the INSECTARIUM and think they won’t notice that you are not an insect, Snail.”
“Psssst!” Just then Slug and Snail heard a sly voice from up above.
“Psst - I can get you in,” said Spider.
“You can?” asked Snail excitedly.
“Sure, they all know me at the Insectarium and -”
“BUT YOU ARE NOT AN INSECT EITHER!” cried Slug.
“Sure I am! I creep! I crawl!” replied Spider.
“BUT –”
“Slug! He’s already a card carrying member! He can get us in! Let’s go!” said Snail. He started slimey-sliding even faster.
“SNAIL! This is insane! We are not insects!” cried Slug.
“Well then, what are we?” asked Snail.
“Bears,” said Slug.
2 - The Birthday Present
“Slug, did you know that today is my birthday?” Snail asked, practically bouncing with excitement.
“Really? I thought your birthday was yesterday,” Slug replied.
She was pretty sure she had overheard Snail chatting with Spider about it.
But, she had been quite busy yesterday.
“No, it is my birthday TO-DAY! I’m so excited to open my birthday present from my best friend!” Snail exclaimed, his eyes sparkling.
“Who is your best friend?” Slug asked.
“You are, of course!” Snail beamed.
“Ahh. Are you sure? I think a real friend would have remembered your birthday,” Slug reasoned, ever the practical slug.
“No, you are my best friend!”
“Ahh. I see,” Slug sighed. There was nothing to be done except find a birthday present for Snail. If she was indeed his best friend, she reasoned that she was also responsible for his birthday present.
Being the sensible slug she was, Slug insisted on getting something practical—something you really needed, not just something you wanted. But what did snails need? Shells? Snail used his shell every day. Very practical, Slug reasoned.
So she decided to visit the elephants; they always had too many shells lying around—quite impractical.
It took Slug all morning to travel to the Elephants. The Land of OOZ is vast, after all.
Once she finally found a suitable shell, Slug began the long trek home.
It was very heavy.
So she took a little rest.
She helpfully managed to get a lift home.
But very unhelpfully…
She lost the shell.
“Snail, I tried to get you a new shell for your birthday, but—”
“Oh, Slug! I can’t change my shell for a new one. This one grows with me!”
“Oh. Well, it’s all for the best, really. That shell was very impractical—too heavy and it drew too much attention,” Slug said.
But Slug felt terrible; she had ruined Snail’s birthday and his only present.
“I’m so sorry I messed up your birthday, Snail…”
“It’s okay,” Snail said cheerfully. “It’s my birthday again tomorrow! You can try again then.”
3 - The Beret
“Bonjour, Slug! Do you like my new chapeau?” Snail twirled excitedly.
“Your what?” Slug replied, looking unimpressed.
“My hat! It’s a beret!” Snail exclaimed, beaming.
“It’s an acorn cap,” Slug said flatly.
“Mon dieu! So unsophisticated! It’s a beret, and I just procured it from my personal haberdasher,” Snail declared loftily, puffing out his chest. “Do you have a haberdasher, Slug?”
“You mean Squirrel. You stole an acorn cap from Squirrel,” said Slug.
“Non, non, non, monsieur, you’re mistaken!” Snail insisted, waving his antennae dramatically.
“You know they eat snails in France, right?” said Slug.
